“Good evening. This is the Light Programme broadcasting from London. It’s 6.45 and time for the next thrilling episode of ‘Dick Barton and the Slaves of The Sultan’!”
Guns! Girls! Spam! When Dick Barton, Boy’s Own adventurer, all-English hero and teatime wireless star, is called upon by MI5 to track down a wealthy socialite missing off the Horn of Africa, little does he know the can of worms he’s about to open. Before you can say ‘crikey’, our hero is mixed up in a fiendish foreign plot to seize control of our upright and principled British armaments industry. Good heavens! With loyal proletarian chums, Jock and Snowy by his side, Barton sallies forth to take on nefarious criminal syndicate, the X Faction; a burlesque brace of femmes fatale; and Squadron Leader James ‘Biggles’ Bigglesworth of the Special Air Police. Will Barton, side-parting and moral certainty intact, win the day through British pluck and determination? Will gorgeous heiress, Felicity Buff-Orpington, escape the steamy seraglio of Zanzibar; and if she does, will the pure undistilled manliness of the Barton ideal wilt in the face of her manifold charms? Or will assorted foreign Johnnies and homegrown villains consign Barton to an improbable cliffhanger ending from which there can be no possible escape?! Tune in to find out!
A ripping send-up and parody of a long-gone, postwar era of working class deference, repressed middle class passion and old school table manners.
with extensive doubling possible
Provision is made in the script for eight pastiche musical numbers to be included.
Major Reggie Fffoulkes, MI5
James ‘Biggles’ Bigglesworth of the Special Air Police
Sir Roderick Snashall, Minister for Armaments
Roger Burke-Moseley, a stalwart chap
Selim Jiz, a harem-keeper
Kaesh Al-gabouti, a pander
Mullett, a criminal underclass heavy
Irma Schultz, a Nazi fugitive heavy
Fatima Gash, exotic nightclub dancer, hypnotist and spy
Lady Muriel Buff-Orpington, raging geriatric nymphomaniac
Mrs Snodgers, Barton’s char
The Hon. Felicity Buff-Orpington, wealthy heiress and socialite
Cicely Chichester, a middle-class grammar school gel and hopeless romantic
Morag McGovern, working-class ladies’ maid from the Gorbals