The Greatest B-movie Adventure Never Made!
Welcome to Raiders of The Crystal Shark! a ripping, gripping, Boy’s-Own adventure set in the dirty thirties – a time when men were daredevil action heroes, and beautiful women faced fiendish perils at the hands of villains who were – as a rule – completely remorseless.
This hilarious caper follows action-man anthropologist and fossil-hunter Dr Alabama Bones, through a series of thrilling adventures which take him from the dark heart of the Third Reich, to the ancient mountaintop kingdom of Munkipore, and then (via the South Pacific) to the mysterious volcanic island of Krakabotl – all in pursuit of a fabulous lost diamond – The Crystal Shark – which for some sinister reason is also being hunted by the Gestapo!
Along the way, Dr Bones, hopelessly hindered by his incompetent sidekick, Hoi-Sin, naturally encounters a bevy of beautiful heroines – including feisty cabaret artiste, Frenchy O’Rourke, stunning Indian Princess, Shag Aloo, and Pirate Queen of the South China Seas, Sumatran Sal. Or could it be ultra-glamorous Nazi agent, Marlene Krepp that our daredevil doctor really has the hots for?
Whilst his lady friends undergo a series of fiendish perils at the hands of a succession of thoroughly disagreeable villains (human sacrifice, pits of deadly snakes – the usual stuff), Alabama handles his own dangerous situations in the only way an all-action hero knows how – in other words, creating utter mayhem wherever he goes!
Complete with hazard-ridden secret passageways, fabulous sacrificial temples, an entire flying boat, and a host of other special effects (including a de rigeur giant rolling rock!) Raiders of The Crystal Shark has the audience rolling in the aisles one minute, and gripping the edges of their seats the next!
Cast: Principals 10M 5F with much doubling possible. 6+ extras required, M or F.
Compere, Die Nachtklub Hafenviertel, Hamburg
Dr Alabama Bones, eminent anthropologist and daredevil adventurer
Frenchy O’Rourke, cabaret artiste. Gorgeous but feisty – a total liability
Marlene Krepp, ultra glamorous Nazi spy
Mr Muckagee, a mysterious visitor from The Subcontinent
Gerd Von Loynz, Gestapo villain
Schmeisser, his bungling batman
SS Men, unbeatably dramatic uniforms
Hoi-Sin, Alabama’s personal chef and smartass sidekick
Assorted Nazi agents, Quislings and Fifth Columnists
His Highness The Maharajah of Munkipore, a spoilt brat
Khan Doo, Grand Vizier of Munkipore
Shag Aloo, High Priestess of the cult of Keema Naan, and guardian of the fabulous Tooth of Munkipore’ diamond
Acolytes, dribbling, drug-crazed devoteesof the cult of Keema Naan
Gotah Singh, Personal bodyguard to the Maharajah – not what he appears…
Sumatran Sal, Pirate Queen and She-Devil of the South China Seas
Hoo-Hee, Captain of a pirate junk
South China Seas pirates, slant-eyed villainy
Taki-knaka, King of the volcanic island of Krakabotl
Sarawak headhunters, fine young cannibals. And Keepers of the fabulous Lost Shark of Krakabotl